shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
