can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize