I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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