He kissed a someone with a penis
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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