if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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