you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Still dying that you shit outside
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
