Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
