my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
