Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
