I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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