It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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