so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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