So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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