Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
