quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am available for nakedness
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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