Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
