College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize