After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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