Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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