I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
