just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
