Got a toothbrush?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
