Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize