I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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