I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
