Ketchup is God's man juice
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
