Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize