Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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