ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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