All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
