Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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