I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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