WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
