I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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