I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
