shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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