GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
