Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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