Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
