Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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