singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
