he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
