I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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