Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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