I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
