I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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