Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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