i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
