remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
