Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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