Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
