What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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