she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
