I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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