I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
