Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
