And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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