apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
