Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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