I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
