As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
