3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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