Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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