How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
