so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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