You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
