I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
